Ruach

This past March 5th I got the call.

There was a “reduction in force”.

No one calls it a lay-off, that sounds so cold.  No one just says, “you’re out of a job, pal” or “we’re taking your livelihood away, buddy”.  That wouldn’t do. Not at all. That’s what it is, but we can’t very well say it now, can we?

It’s about them, about how they have to reduce their workforce.  At least that’s how it goes down that day.  It’s cold, ‘ya have to keep it cold.  I guess.  I’ve had it done to me now three times.  I’ve done it twice.

Dear God, it hurts.  Either way…

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So, why now?  Why wait until now to write about it?

I’ve been through this before, back in the early 90’s. Back then I was on the fast track.  The wicked fast track.  I was King.  But they sold the company, and what I was doing didn’t fit into what the buyers where buying.  By, by Larry…  That one scarred me, forever.

Then came 2008 and into 2009, at a company I’d by now been at for 15 years.  The “event” wasn’t much of a surprise given that the stock market had just (and, yes, it did feel like “just”) fallen in half.  A huge crash, particularly in my business, a business that, like me, had grown fat on the stock market.  For several years before that my career was less than it should have been.  Decent, but decent does not cut it on the executive level.  Early on I was juiced.  When I was doing the IT stuff I was juiced.  But…

Stellar is what they look for, if you want to survive.  So I was shot.  That’s what we called it when someone else got it.  Now it was my turn.  I was shot.  Outta there dude. Gone. Clear out your desk.

But this time… this time I was more prepared.  Emotionally, and in the sense of planning.  I guess both go hand in hand.

So the plan is to change my life.  To once more reinvent Larry.  So far so good.

It started out with financials.  I got 9 months and, miraculously, half a bonus.  Good deal.  Really good deal for what was going on.

Tricia and I took that and a bit of IRA money (yeah, that sucked) and paid off the house.  Now, I own it.  Other than that we have the boat mortgage of about $50k.  Not a bad cash flow change.  Not bad at all.  I know, I could have made a lot more had I kept the $ in the IRA, but this was an immediate need.  You do what you need to do.

The next step was employment, as the savings could get us through only the next ten (frugal) years.  And I’m 54.  Might have more that 10 years to go.   Yes, we could have.  But change is not that easy.

I’m just not ready.  Just not done.  Either “contributing” OR making money.  Both.  Not me.  Can’t give up my over achiever past all that easily.

Now, as I write this, I’m teaching at Boston University, Bunker Hill Community Collge, and Norther Essex Community College.

I’ve been at BU for the past 9 years.  It has been a gift from God.  This thing fulfills me.  And, yes,  pays some bills.

So I tapped that “value proposition” .  Hey, I’m a professor!

Got into Bunker hill through a contact.  A real stroke of luck, as the wife of a Palmers Cove Yacht club member is a well respected professor at BHCC.  At Northern Essex, I made contact through a fellow Palmer’s Cove member who is a professor in the department I now adjunct lecture in.

Heads up… get yourself some contacts.  Many, in fact.  Form friendships.  And remember, you have a friend when that other person knows you, not  the other way around.

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What’s next?

I don’t know.  Never have really.  Not a bad way to live one’s life, by the way.  Still haven’t figured out what happens at the end, probably never will.  But for now…

I need to get my courses organized so they just happen.  So that lectures are laid out.  So that assignments and tests are defined and ready to go.  So that it becomes as routine as the Intro to Computer Science course I have at BU.

Yet not so “routine” that I stop paying attention.  Can’t do that.  Need to stay on top of your game, no matter what it is.  “That dog won’t hunt” is not what you want to hear (or feel)  about yourself.

Certainly I’m shooting for a full time position.  That and three or more adjunct gigs and I’m cruising, cash-wise.  Yep, it’s a bit of a struggle now – but starting at the beginning always is.  I think that’s God’s way of making it  interesting again.

Then… once the cash flow is settled down and I’m organized enough I’ll start thinking about that PhD.  Yeah, I’m an old guy.  Maybe not to old though.

I’ll let you know….

We had an election day yesterday.  It marked a welcome transition in America.

Yes, this was the election of America’s first black president, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

What happened on Tuesday marks a transition in our governmental mindset from the politics of fear we have suffered from since 9/11 to a new era.  I’m not sure what all that new era will bring us, but I feel hope.  And so does the World.  The news stories today painted a clear picture of how a great deal of the world looks at the US as the great nation of our times. We are capable of leading the way, and now we will have a new man in charge that is capable of that leadership.

Integrity, greatness, and the moral high ground are once again within our grasp.

When I was a kid, a really young kid, whatever space of time I was living in had a certain forever feel to it.  I can remember summer vacation between first and second grade.  It wasn’t really vacation as much as just another phase of my then short life.

Transitioning back to school had a real air of adventure.  Something new was happening, different and exciting. 

As things moved along those transitions still came, and hopefully will come, upon me. The thing is, they seem to come less and less frequently since that oh so long time ago. 

My next big transition in life will most likely be retirement.  At the earliest that’s probably 11 years away.   Think about that.  Two whole lifetimes as long as that kid that looked forward to going back to school!  Yet by the time I get there I know these next 11 years will feel about the same as that long ago summer felt like when it was over, so very fleeting.

Another funny thing.  That oh so long time ago when summer felt like it would never end… feels like yesterday.

They call it ambient light.  

When the sun goes down and I’m sitting on the mooring, the water dances with it.  It’s quite a show.  Wouldn’t give it up for the world really.

But  it’s man made light.  Somehow not pure.  Stretching the day, squeezing out the night.  Having a purpose, but…

There are some who have never seen a crystal clear night sky full of stars.  It seems like an eternity since I have. 

Yet I can remember that last time.  It was in New Hampshire.  A cool night.  Inky dark, but for the stars not dark at all, like a night should be.  And there was a pond, still,  like a pond should be.  The Milky Way was strewn across the sky in its entire splendor, stars so close they almost touched.  Yet each one clear and bright.  And when I looked down into the water there they where, all over again.  I in the middle. 

Alone, quiet, in awe.